I’m finally writing again after a long time. Funny how just
now, I reviewed my previous entry done last May where I was writing of horror
stories and Halloween. Coincidence or not, I find it rather amusing how I have
returned to doing blogs 5 months after which I had mentioned in the previous. Anyways,
I have my reasons on blogging again. One is that I am bored, it’s the second
week of our Semestral Break and I have nothing else to do but get myself fat.
And second, since the Finals I had been always fidgety and doubtful about my
grades and my overall performance and somehow wanted to channel how I felt into
something I’m most fond at. And lastly, as an avid fan of Instagram, from the
account of a local celebrity I am following, I came across with a quote that
somehow eased my trouble at the moment.
Initially, I
would rant all to myself how difficult my course is. Human nature, huh. I tend
to blame everything to how the lessons are just too difficult to fathom matched
with the complex and impossible-to-comprehend tests the teachers are giving us.
Then, as if a natural cycle, following step would that be of recalling how much
I stayed up studying all night enduring only 2 or 3 hours sleep which unluckily
did not pay off. I admit to these things. I once thought this was the truth, I
once thought I am not to blame but it turned out I was only forcing myself to
believe on my own lies, to protect myself from guilt in case the results are
not what I expected. And yes, I do not think my results are good. To be honest,
these 2 weeks had been the most uncomfortable and uneasy I had been. I’ve had
my read of good books, my fair watch of really to-be-hooked-for movies and
series and not to mention my heart-racing, running moments attributed for by
the series of earthquakes and aftershocks we had been feeling (God bless my
nation), but despite these nice and not nice distractions, these personal
troubles somehow just seem to creep back at a snap’s time. Never had been a day
of these 2 weeks that these thoughts had not been haunting me. Deep. Drastic. Dramatic.
you might think, but this is true. And continually, I had become more in doubt
as our so-called “Judgment Day” comes much nearer as compared to the
yesterdays. My mom had told me nothing else but “Pray”. I admit if not for
these troubles, I would not have been as this kind of prayerful as I am now. It
may be too late to realize that but hey, Our God is merciful, giving and
forgiving. So, I thought of that and do all I think I should do. I had been
really specific in my prayers, asking Him for this urgent need of mine. Then, I
come across with this.
Credits to: @krapfhelga (instagram)
Then I recognized my wrong. I should be prayerful but in my prayers, I realized I was imposing too much on what I thought I urgently need not minding on what God thinks, or better yet, know of what I truly need. God is my Creator, I am only one of his many masterpieces. I can do something for myself but I do not have full control of my life. I am still hopeful and aware of what I think I need: to pass this semester and see my parents at least content that I had not wasted what they had worked hard for but for this remaining time, I'm loosening my grip and am worrying less, submitting myself to Him and letting Him drive me to whichever direction He would lead me, after all, His will be done. :)
My Lord, is my switch, my remote control. He leads, I will follow.
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